


Concussed

by The_Cats_Paw



Category: Naruto
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Crazy, Gen, Parody, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 07:08:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15680478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Cats_Paw/pseuds/The_Cats_Paw
Summary: No one had ever studied the neurological drawbacks of time travel before… But what did she care? She was only here for the saké. Crack fic, time travel.





	Concussed

**Author's Note:**

> Just a weird attempt at humour by someone who generally only gets it right accidentally. :P

“So Sakura, you’re backwards in time… What are you going to do?”

“Well, I thought I’d find a bar, check out the quality of the saké in this era.”

“What? You’re not gonna do something noble like try to change the time line?”

“Nope, couldn’t give a shit about that.”

“You know Naruto wouldn’t approve.”

“I know. He’d want me to do stuff like ‘talk-no-jutsu’ or something. But I never was all that good at it the way he was.”

“So you’re just gonna, what? Drink like your shishou?”

“Nah… I’ll drink _better_ than my shishou! After everything I’ve been through, I think I deserve to be able to go on a bender if I want!”

“You know what _I_ think you should do?”

“No. What?”

“Get therapy. You’re arguing with yourself, you know.”

Haruno Sakura crossed her arms over her chest. Of course she was right, she _was_ arguing with herself. But in her defence, she likely had a _concussion_ , so was it really her fault she was going a little batty? Probably. Then there were the unknown effects of that _stupid_ portal. Sighing, she reached a hand up and healed her head wound, resisting the desire to just lie down and sleep.

But she wasn’t joking when she argued with herself. She really _did_ just want to find a bar and drink until she could drink no more. This was obviously how her shishou felt any time _she_ needed a break from everything that was _fucked up_ in her life. Looking down at the bandits she’d ‘landed’ on when she fell through that blasted portal, Sakura frowned, squinting at them. Nothing about them affiliated them to a clan or a village, so she just shrugged and started stealing everything of value they had on them.

Turned out to be quite a bit. They must have recently successfully robbed someone, because they had over fifty thousand ryo on them, and a few scrolls that she recognised as storage scrolls.

“Thanks you guys!” she gushed at them, patting the head of one of them in appreciation, ignoring how that caused his body to fall over from the hunched position it was in.

Whistling a merry tune, she headed out in a random direction.

A couple of hours later, and she was wondering if she should have gone in a different direction. There seemed to be no signs of life this way, the forest was getting just that little bit wilder. No signs of civilisation. _And_ it was getting dark.

“I need somewhere to stay!” she whined. “Where are you when I need you, Yamato-taichou? Wood style, house no jutsu! Aargh!”

The scream was because a kunai had come flying at her. A _kunai_.

“Who threw that!” she screeched. “I’ll have your head! I’ll flay your skin! I’ll… grind your bones! Yeah, that’s an oldie but a goody! I’ll grind your bones to make my _bread_!”

No answer, except another kunai. Sakura narrowed her eyes, trying to figure out where it had come from. “It’s not nice to throw things at a lady!” she yelled.

“I don’t see a lady,” came a sneering voice. “I see a crazy little idiot who thinks she can trespass on private shinobi property.”

Sakura pulled down her eyelid and stuck her tongue out with a ‘nya!’ sound. “I don’t see no signs that say ‘keep out’,” she argued.

Another kunai that she dodged once more, then finally someone came out of the tree line.

Sakura gasped at the sight of the white haired, red eyed teen. “Albino-kun!” she exclaimed. “I know you! You’re the Nidaime!”

The teen, who was clearly a young Senju Tobirama, frowned. “What the heck is a Nidaime?” he demanded.

“Oh,” Sakura breathed with a drawn out ‘o’. “So you’re _pre_ Nidaime… That’s so cool!”

She grinned at him and he glowered, drawing out a new weapon. “You’re quite clearly insane,” he told her.

Sakura shrugged. “I blame the portal,” she said. “And the concussion. Both have messed with my head a bit… Okay, maybe a little _more_ than a bit.”

“Portal?”

Sakura grinned at him. “So glad you asked!” she said. “That’s right, a portal! A space time one, so I ended up travelling back in time to this place! Warring States Era, by the looks of you.”

“There’s no such thing as time travel,” Tobirama said stubbornly.

“How would you know?” she demanded. “Are you claiming you know _everything_ to be able to make that statement? I’ll have you know time travel is _real_! Well, either that, or this is some _really_ fucked up dream of mine from my concussion. So I fell asleep after all? Not good, _not good_!”

A wave of dizziness hit her and she clutched her head. “Ooh, er,” she gulped. “Stupid Sasuke! Stupid Naruto! This is all their fault! A pox on that Uchiha and Uzumaki!”

Finally, after everything, Sakura’s eyes rolled up in the back of her head and she passed out.

Tobirama stared down at the crazy woman, wondering what he should do with her. In the end, he decided to pick her up and take her back with him, if only so they could find out who she was. Ignoring her mutterings of ‘ _sak_ _é, saké,_ _where’s my_ _saké?_ ’ he took off in the direction of his home.


End file.
